"Me do it"

Anyone who has spent any time with a child will have heard these words come out of their mouth at some point!  Children are born with a fundamental drive for independence. This doesn’t mean that they don’t need a parent’s constant support – quite the opposite!  What children are looking for when it comes to independence, is time and space to learn and understand about the world around them – by doing things themselves. 

 The need for independence is contained in every child. This need demands respect and trust.

 The Montessori quote:

 “Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed”

 goes a long way to understanding how important independence is for a child’s development.

 Independence is tied up with many things, including choice and responsibility. When we look at our home environment through the eyes of a child, it can help us to set that environment up as an enabling one. Think child-sized, child-height with age appropriate and size appropriate tools.  Hold on to the fact that as adults we may see things as “chores”, children will see them as learning opportunities. So – get them involved in the day-to-day running of the home!

 Allowing our children independence, builds self-confidence and self-belief, gives them the knowledge that we trust them to be able to try out new things, as well as the capacity for taking care of themselves.

 Offering our children opportunities for independence requires us stepping back and allowing them time – lots of it! It is so much quicker if we pair up the socks, empty the dishwasher, water the plants, sort out the laundry, pack their bag etc etc – however this is to deny children the chance of learning new life skills, alongside being someone who not only wants to contribute, but knows how to.

In order to master new skills, our children need time to practise and repeat a task. Giving them this time and space means we work with our children rather than against them. It reinforces the concept of belonging, contributing and being part of a team.

 A big irony about becoming a parent is the idea that in order to succeed, that is to give them roots to grow and wings to fly, it means working towards doing ourselves out of a job!  The job description constantly changes however, as should we!  Our children will continue to need us in – the needs are just different!

 When it comes to little people, contrary to what we may feel we should do, a good mantra to hold in mind is:

 “Offer as much help as necessary, as little as possible”