"Could do" vs. “Should do"
“Could do” vs. “Should do”
The idea of leaning into a “Could do” rather than a Should do” mindset, is helpful in so many aspects of life. In the run up to any big event, embracing the concept can often be the difference between thriving or surviving, filling up our joy bank, or simply getting through. The power of could do, rather than should do, means that we are open to the idea of giving ourselves permission to do things our way, rather than simply feeling we have to fall into step with what everyone else is doing.
The “should do’s” shout loudly in the run up to Christmas as well as for the day itself. Pressure to buy, buy, buy, to take the children to a Christmas show, a Winter Wonderland, take them to meet Father Christmas, go ice-skating, see a light show, be “on” all the time, pressure to create the perfect day for everyone. How about, however, instead of sitting down to write up a list of every possible activity on offer, we sit down and work out how OUR family is going to “do” Christmas – what traditions are important alongside how we make it our own. We can be intentional and make intentional choices – as can our children. When children are invited to be part of a “could do list”, it allows them to really feel that they have a voice and that they can make themselves heard
Less really can be more! Slow the pace, declutter the schedule and model this behaviour to our children, showing them that we really are content with doing less Applying the idea of decluttering – to both our home environment as well as to our minds – can help to create space. Not for more “stuff” – but for more of what is important – TIME. Lack of time tends to make us feel overwhelmed, whereas creating more time, helps us lean into feeling a little more in control. When we slow down, and model this to our children, it allows them to decompress and see that we don’t have to rush around trying to fit everything in! Going out for a walk in Nature is far more likely to bring us all a bit of calm, than rushing to yet another activity! Likewise, we could, for instance, kick start the holiday by having a clear out of our children’s toys, games and books – doing it alongside our children. By having less out, our children can really see and appreciate what they do have, and if they are done with any particular toy, perhaps this could be regifted or taken to a charity shop?
Embrace the power of “Good Enough”. The perfect Christmas does NOT exist. So, if we want to do some Christmas baking for example, but haven’t got huge amounts of time, why not think about making a gingerbread character vs making the whole house?! Rather than thinking that magic will only happen if we take our children away on holiday or on an expensive outing, why not get their input and find a local winter walk in a nearby wood.
A powerful parenting tool is to harness the power of Noticing. When we learn to focus our attention on the small things that bring us joy – be it Christmas lights, Christmas songs, watching our children make a Christmas card or wrap a present, seeing them delight in traditions we have created over the years - and then remembering to express our gratitude for these moments, to ourselves as well as to our children, we really do re-wire our brains! Science backs up the power of gratitude – we do however have to flex the gratitude muscle! It takes practice to “hunt the good stuff” but our brain and heart will thank us when we do!
More often than not, it is the simple family traditions that happen around this time of year that children love. Let’s hold onto the intention to spend time with our children doing whatever it is as a family that we love doing such as crafting, baking, going out for walks, playing games, reading, snuggling up on the sofa together. Being alongside our children, as we make these memories with them, is what should be our driving force at this time of year. Simplifying things for our family also ensures that we look after ourselves into the bargain – win, win!
Remembering to keep Christmas (and the run up to Christmas) simple is a gift – to ourselves and to our families. Giving people the gift of our time, is always up there as one of the most meaningful and precious ways of showing we care.